New Clinton campaign manager sacked

Hillary Clinton reportedly fired her newest campaign manager Maggie Williams after the candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination lost three more contests to Barack Obama on Tuesday. Williams had been at the post three days.

"Why couldn't she make me more appealing?" the New York senator said.

Williams was floored by the move, saying she barely had time to change the nameplate on her desk, shop for a new outfit befitting a campaign manager and lunch at the Russian Tea Room before being showed the door.

"Who needs Virginia, Maryland and DC anyway?" Williams said of the latest three Clinton setbacks. "I told her there were lots of good states left, and that we should go to Hawaii and campaign hard there for the next few months."

Hawaii's primary is next week.

"She needs to project a winning aura," Williams said. "If she's walking on the beach in a bikini, men are going to stare at her aura."

Clinton and Williams reportedly clashed on Williams' strategy to "go young" and court the male vote. Clinton thought she was doing that by voting with President George W. Bush for the Iraq war several years ago, but now is unsure which way the wind is blowing and, consequently, can't point her message in that direction.

Williams said she tried to soften her image and get Clinton on the front of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition but that the candidate refused to take off her trademark pantsuit, or the burlap sack and chainmail suit underneath it. SI editors were reportedly relieved no disrobing took place. They strongly suggested, however, that Williams check out Ms. Magazine, which was seeking a covergirl for its Man-Hating issue.

"Then she could loosen up and just be herself," one insider said. "When she stays on-message and flogs men, she's at her best."

Meanwhile, Obama, the popular Illinois congressman who is generating more crowds and money in recent weeks, has won eight straight nominating contests and is piling up superdelegates, those who are uncommitted to a certain candidate but can swing the nomination. Most of the superdelegates garnered to date said they could go either way, but, in the end, would be "highly influenced" by hookers or, at the very least, good, un-recylced porn.

Obama indicated he would "see to it that all needs are met."